The Laments of a Dead Child
by Sugary.-.Snow
Summary: Rated M for yaoi, rape, drug use and suicide. Please be aware that this is an extremely dark fanfic. Almost LenxRin and KaitoxLen. Len tries to cope with different stresses until he goes to a party that changes everything for him. He deals with constant hurt and depression but then realizes he is not the only one who feels as if they love someone who does not love them back.


I don't understand. I mean I always had her back right? So why couldn't she have mine? Just this one time... All I needed was for her to have my back just this one time. My father kept yelling at me, spatting insults of all kinds, asking me questions I didn't know how to answer or if I should even answer them. I kept my head low and closed my eyes as tightly as I could so maybe the tears wouldn't spill out.

"Look at me!" My father demanded.

Slowly, I opened my eyes letting the tears fall and looked at my father. I could almost feel the rage radiating off of him.

"Who gave you the weed?" He looked like he was ready to snap any second if I didn't give him the answer he wanted.

I didn't even have to think, "I won't say it."

"What the fuck do you mean _you won't say it_?" I stepped away from him but he grabbed my shirt collar and pulled me back closer. He slapped me once. "Tell me right now, goddammit!"

I held my cheek as it began to sting where he slapped me.

My mother, who had been sitting at the dining room table behind us with her head in her hands, crying decided to speak. "Len, please just tell your father who gave it to you."

"I won't say it," I repeated, more hot tears spilling out over the hand that was covering my cheek. I looked up towards the staircase to see Rin there, watching. I couldn't control the sudden anger that washed over me, "This is all your fault Rin. Why Rin? Why did you do this to me..." I cried even more. "Why would you do this to me when I've always...I've always had your back. You were supposed to have mine!"

Rin's face was expressionless as she turned and disappeared up the staircase.

_Damn her!_ I should have known this would happen. I should have never even told her anything. I blamed myself for getting caught more than anything.

"Len what is this?" My mother who had begun going through my phone held it up for both my father and I to see, "What is this picture?"

She was asking like she couldn't determine what it was herself.

"Yes, Len, what is it?" My father was messing with me now. He just wanted to hear me say it.

"That's me," I looked my father straight in the face again, "That's me kissing another boy." I was kissing my friend Piko to be exact. It wasn't anything serious, we took that picture mostly as a joke actually.

"So now you're gay too?" He pushed me away, "Go to your room. I don't want to see you. I don't know you. You're not my son."

My mother just began crying again.

My father turned away and sighed.

I looked from my father to my mother and back again. "So I guess this is my turn to speak right?"

"First of all...I only started drugs because it's my only escape from all this fucking stress I'm forced to endure everyday. Mom, you're constantly nagging and getting on my case for every little thing and I'm fucking sick of it... Dad... I don't even know why you're here. I don't like you. I've _never_ liked you. Ever since I was little when you... You treated Rin like a fucking princess but then that just leaves me huh? The son that could never do anything you wanted. The son that doesn't even like sports or that doesn't want to learn how to fight or anything. Hell, your own daughter acts more like man than I ever will." I stared at the back of his head since he was still turned away from me, "But even with all of that, that's not even why I hate you." I glanced at my mother, "How come we never talk about the days when he used to hit you, mom?"

"Oh, that's enough!" My father turned around to face me, "I used to watch my father hit my mom every single day-"

"That doesn't make it right!" I yelled back at him. "Why would even try to justify that?"

"If you let something like that effect you, you're the weakest child I've ever seen. I can't believe I helped bring a weakling like you into this world." He actually laughed at me.

"You... I am not weak! I've been putting up with your crap all my life, how the hell could you call me weak?" My crying was beginning to effect my speech. I was stuttering, "What kind of man are you? Hitting your wife in front of your own kids? I remember perfectly how you dragged her by her hair down the hallway! And you..." I turned to my mother, "H-how could you stay with him after that... But whatever..." I began walking up the stairs to my room. "Yeah, I'm gay, I know you're going to make fun of me for it. I'm an Atheist too, so you can go ahead and make fun of that too. I don't even give a fuck anymore." I walked over to my room and shut the door and locked it.

I sat on my bed and took all the Benadryl pills I found in the bottle. I knew it probably wouldn't be nearly enough to kill me but at least if would make me sleep for a long time. I didn't want to be awake anymore. When you're awake that only leaves you alone with your thoughts and I didn't want to think anymore. I didn't want to live.

**Lament of a Dead Child**

I stared back into my reflection and smiled a bit. I began attempting to compliment myself by pointing out all my good features. Then, out of habit I compared myself to the other students at my school and my smile faltered. I turned to grab my backpack forcing a smile again and began heading towards the door. On my way out I overheard my mother and Rin talking about me.

"You did the right thing, sweetie. If you hadn't had told us think about what other kinds of trouble he could have gotten himself into."

Not wanting to hear them anymore I stuffed my headphones in my ears and left the house. It's a good thing I like to leave early so Rin and I didn't take the same bus. I stood at the same bus stop like I always did and when the bus arrived I got on and took the seat next to my friend, Piko.

"What's up, Len, you don't look to good. Is everything okay?" Piko asked staring at me.

"Hey Piko, I, um, got caught. Rin told on me." I said trying not to think about the argument that took place last night.

Piko's eyes widened in shock, "Are you serious, bro? Your own sister?"

At this time the bus had stopped again to let our other to friends on, Oliver and Lui. As soon as they sat down in the empty seats in front of us Piko told them what happened.

"Bros, Len got caught! Rin snitched on him. Can you believe that?"

"Really? You're twin?" Oliver blinked his one good eye in shock.

"I should have known Rin would do something like this. I blame myself, I should have been more careful," I shrugged.

"That's why I don't smoke," Lui said proudly, "Smoking only causes problems."

"Don't act so innocent!" Piko said quickly, "I know about your 'private lessons' with Mr. Tonio"

"Sh-shut up!" Lui said defensively and he stared out the window.

Piko smirked but turned his attention back to me, "So I assume you don't want to smoke today?"

"Whoa! I never said that!" I laughed and everyone laughed with me.

Dammit. How long am I going to have to fake these smiles? How long will I have to force myself to laugh when I just want to burst into tears? I don't even want to do drugs anymore. But the only time I can forget about all of life's stresses and all the things that make me sad is when I'm high.

At the park near our school was the usual spot to get high. Oliver and I were sophomores, Lui was the only freshman in the group, Piko was a junior, and we also hung out with the seniors: Lily, Sonika, Cul and Kiyoteru. After I was done taking a puff I passed the pipe to Piko and sighed. I didn't like the seniors. There were always talking about how much longer they had been smoking and we were just "angry teenagers" trying to look cool. It was irritating. Everyone smokes for a reason but it isn't right to assume we're just angry at our parents and just trying to rebel to look cool or something.

Then I saw him.

I see him everyday. Of course he never talks to me or sees me for that matter but sometimes I just like to stare. I know this sounds weird but I like to imagine a different world or universe where we can be together. A world where he actually notices me and acknowledges my presence. In this world I don't want him to see me. If he did I know he'd just wrinkle his nose in disgust at the burnt out, pothead sophomore I've become. Kaito Shion. The honor roll student. The perfect, ideal student. He was a good person. He was to good for me.

But still, knowing this will never stop me from staring. From dreaming.

Lily snapped me out of my thoughts, "Hey kid, it's your turn again." She elbowed me and passed me the pipe.

I grabbed it from her and held it to my lips.

"Where you watching Kaito?" Sonika smirked.

"None of your goddamn business," I said harshly and lit it up. I breathed in the smoke almost to quickly and it burned the back of my throat. I didn't cough though.

"Do you like him?" Kiyoteru asked me. I knew he hung out with Kaito sometimes.

I shrugged and passed the pipe.

"Kiyo, do you really think he'd tell you? How about you..." Cul began whispering to him.

This is another problem with hanging out with seniors.

Kiyoteru laughed a little and nodded. I glared at them.

"You know what? I'm going to school, I'll see you guys later." I said grabbing my backpack and standing up.

"Wait up, bro," Piko followed me, as did Oliver and Lui.

We all walked to school together and on the way the THC began kicking in. My head was cloudy and my mouth felt like sandpaper.

"Hey, you know Kiyoteru is throwing a party for his birthday?" Oliver said, "He's inviting us."

"How do you know?" I asked. I never really thought of the seniors as more than being our smoking buddies.

"Lily texted me a few days ago. I just forgot to tell you." Oliver shrugged, "We'll probably be the only non-seniors."

Lui's eyes sparkled with excitement. "_I'm_ invited to a senior party?!"

"I don't know why you're so excited, it's probably just gonna be a lot of potheads getting high and wasted. Not really your kind of party," Piko explained.

"You know sometimes I think you enjoy sucking the fun out of everything." Lui frowned.

Piko smirked, "Nah I just... Well yeah maybe I do." Everyone laughed.

Not even realizing that we had entered the school hallways I looked around confused. Then I saw Kaito standing there talking to his other straightedge friends. Then something amazing happened. He looked at me. The look he gave me will always be burned in my memory but not because it was a great event. It was one of the worst of my life. He had given me a complete look of contempt, of disapproval. The kind I'd get from my parents only worse. Although it had been exactly as I'd expected, in that moment of time when our eyes met it felt like my soul was being ripped apart. He looked so disgusted by the sight of me and suddenly I felt as if I didn't belong there. Like I didn't belong anywhere. Like I never have and never will. I lowered my head in shame as the moment passed and I kept on walking.

I opened up my locker to get my eye-drops. As soon as my locker flew open a sloppily written note fell out. I picked it up off the floor to read it. As I had expected, it was a stupid poem.

_When your world comes crashing down_

_I hope you remember me_

_I hope you remember your true self_

_Because we're both still lost somewhere deep inside yourself_

Irritated, I threw the note in the trash. For a few months now I've been finding these silly notes with poems written on them in my locker. I had no idea who kept putting them there but it was getting annoying.

In class it was the same routine. Keep my head down and hope the teacher won't call on me. Usually they didn't but occasionally I would be forced to answer a question I didn't care about.

"Len, what is the answer?" Ms. Ann asked.

"A simile is a comparison using like or something," I yawned and put my head back down.

"Well...yes," She said and moved on.

Later on at lunch as I was walking through the hallways to get to the courtyard to eat. I saw Kiyoteru talking to Kaito. When Kiyoteru saw me he nodded in my direction smiling and Kaito turned to me as well. Kaito had a smile on his face as well.

I forced a smile back but only quickened my pace to get to the area my friends and I usually eat. When I got there everyone was waiting more me.

"Hey Len," Piko greeted me. "The party is this Saturday."

I shrugged, "I don't even know if I'm going."

"You have to go!" Lui spoke loudly, "Why wouldn't you anyway?"

"I don't know it just doesn't seem like it will be fun," I sighed and sat down on the bench next to Oliver.

"There's most likely going to be free weed. And if we're lucky we'll be able to try more _illegal_ substances." Piko smirked.

"I dunno why, but I've always wanted to try shrooms or acid or something," Oliver grinned. It was so strange. Oliver was the only pothead I knew besides Kiyoteru that could actually smoke and maintain a good grade. It was almost amazing considering he was such a weed junkie.

Piko yawned, "You know, I heard acid makes the top of your brain bleed. And when it drips down and hits certain nerves that's when you start to hallucinate."

"Ugh. I didn't need to hear that." Oliver glared at him.

At the end of the week I still found myself sneaking out to go to Kiyoteru's party. And I still can't figure out why I secretly wanted to. I think it's because I just knew Kaito would be there and although he doesn't like me...I still like to stare.

At the party, Kaito was indeed there. Talking to the other seniors and turning down the pot that was constantly being offered to him. I on the other hand, gladly accepted when someone offered me a weed filled brownie. While looking for a few of my friends, I saw Kiyoteru and walked over to him.

"Happy birthday, it's a great party," I smiled.

"Thanks man," he smiled back. "I have someone I'd like you to meet."

A few words passed through my head. _It couldn't be.__.._

He grabbed my arm and guided me over to the group of seniors Kaito was standing with. Among them I saw Lily, Sonika and Cul.

"Kaito, I'd like you to meet my friend Len. Len, this is Kaito," he introduced us.

My heart felt like it stopped.

"Hey," Kaito smiled at me. But it didn't seem like the 'I'm genuinely happy to meet you' smile. It seemed more like the 'you're worth as much as the gum on the bottom of someones shoe, but I'll smile anyway' type of smile.

Even though I wanted to run and hide I forced a smile back but kept my eyes on the brown carpeted floor of Kiyoteru's house, "H-hi..." I couldn't believe Kiyoteru would make me do something like this. And by the way Cul was smirking I could tell this is what they had been whispering about a few days ago. Why would they do this to me?

"Hey Len!"

I heard Piko's voice and quickly turned away from the crowd of seniors. I used him as an excuse to walk away without looking back.

"What's up Piko?" I forced a smile. "Have you seen Oliver or Lui?"

"You'll never believe this, come with me," Piko grabbed my arm and dragged me into the living room where I saw Lui _smoking_. In-between puffs he'd cough then take a bite of a weed brownie. I couldn't believe it.

"Shouldn't he slow down? This is his first time getting high right?" I asked continuing to watch Lui.

"I dunno," Piko responded, "He probably wants to go all out tonight because I said you guys can crash at my place."

"Really?! You should have told me earlier!" I wouldn't let Kaito stop me from having a good time tonight. Tonight I'd get so wasted hopefully I won't remember anything that happened.

I got a can of beer and went to sit next to Lui where Oliver soon joined us.

Hours passed. One senior I didn't know began telling us a story about how many times he'd been to jail like it'd impress us just because we were younger. I didn't like him. He was irritating and I didn't like the way he'd look at me. Finally when he was done talking about himself he began asking us questions.

"What's your name?" He asked me specifically.

After taking a puff and calmly blowing the smoke out I responded. "Len." I don't know if he was aware but I was trying to make it extremely obvious I had no interest in talking to him. But he was persistent.

He moved closer to me. So close. It was making me uncomfortable. He also kept insisting I smoke a little more or have another drink. Even with my clouded thoughts I figured out what he was trying to do. He was trying to get me so drunk I'd sleep with him.

"Hey Len, do you want another drink?" He asked.

"Hell no," I responded glaring at him and stood up.

He grabbed my arm and tried to pull me back on the couch, "Where are you going?"

"None of your goddamn business!" I yanked away from him, "Stay away from me!" As soon as I turned around to walk away I bumped into another senior. I was about to tell him to watch out when I saw which senior it was. Kiyoteru. His glasses were crooked and he smelled like straight alcohol. I could tell that he had undoubtedly been sniffing some other drug by the way his nose was all red.

"Len...where are you going?" He smiled. Something didn't feel right about this situation.

"I-I was just..." I stuttered glancing around for my friends only to find that Oliver had passed out and Lui and Piko were nowhere to be found.

"C'mon man, it's my birthday," he grabbed my shoulders and forcefully sat me back down on the couch, "And since I did you that favor you have to do me one to y'know?" He kept talking really fast now. He took off his glasses and threw them across the room.

Then he kissed me.

It was the most unnatural disgusting thing... I felt as if I were already being completely violated my a simple closed mouth kiss. It only got worse as I felt his tongue press against my lips and his hand slid down to my pants.

At first it felt as though I was frozen but when he reached down my pants I came back to my senses.

"No!" I struggled to get away, "NO! Get away!" I yelled.

He used this chance to pin my hands my back with one hand and kissed me again his time with his tongue in my mouth. His hand was fully in my pants and he grabbed my soft member and began stroking it. He only stopped for a second to pull my pants down further and unzip his own pants.

Not being able to think of anything else I bit his tongue as hard as I could. He pulled away quickly and blood leaked from his mouth. Suddenly, within the span of five seconds he slapped me and Kaito came in and saw us.

Without thinking, I called out to Kaito, "Help me!"

With those words Kaito ran over to Kiyoteru and pushed him off of me. "Kiyo, what the hell are you doing?!"

I didn't waste a moment of my time. I stood up and ran over to Oliver. He didn't wake up when I shook him so I quickly lifted him up without thinking and threw him over my shoulder. He was heavy, but I sure as hell wouldn't leave him there. I looked back to see Kaito yelling at Kiyoteru but he wasn't paying attention. Kiyoteru's eyes were fixed on me. It was a look of pure lust and it chilled me to the bone. It was almost as if he were still touching me with his mind. Even so, I kept walking and began looking for Piko and Lui. I found them in one of he bedrooms with about 3 other seniors. All of them naked and asleep.

"Shit." I mumbled. I tried to wake Piko first by shaking him and slapping him with all my strength. I couldn't help but notice a drying white liquid leaking from his mouth and it wasn't hard to guess what he'd been doing. We _had_ to get out of there. And there was no way I could carry all three of them. "Piko! PIKO! Piko _please wake up._" I began tearing up. I didn't want to imagine what might happen if we stayed here.

And suddenly his heterochromatic eyes fluttered open and relief washed over me.

"Len..." He sat up quickly and looked around. "Wh-where am I?"

"Don't think about that now," I said, "We need to get out of here. Get dressed."

While Piko was getting dressed I woke up Lui who threw up on the floor before shakily putting his clothes on. Oliver still wouldn't wake up. It's a good thing he was breathing or I would've panicked. Piko helped me carry Oliver so many blocks to his house. I couldn't even tell if I was high anymore. It might been because of the adrenaline running through my system. Whenever I enter panic-mode all my brain can think is: 'How can I get out of this?', 'Are any of my friends in danger?', and 'Who is the specific source of danger in this situation?'.

When we made it to Piko's house it as one o clock in the morning. We collapsed on the living room floor. Piko's mom was _never_ home. She was constantly on business trips so it was a good thing we had the house to ourselves.

I was so exhausted I didn't even care that I was about to sleep fully dressed. Or that I was extremely cold. Or that Piko looked like he was about to cry... Wait...yes I did care. Using what strength I had left I crawled over to where Piko sat on the floor in the room that was only lit by a TV.

"Piko, what's wrong?" I asked forcing myself to forget about my own problems. My friend needed me, making all my problems petty and insignificant. All that mattered right now was making sure Piko was okay.

"I don't remember how we got in that room or why we were..." he couldn't finished his sentence and he covered his face with his hands. He was crying.

"Piko, it's okay," I put my hand on his shoulder, "...Everything is going to be okay." Then I hugged him.

"I'm sorry," he said, "I should have made sure all of you were okay. What happened? Why did you look so scared when you woke me up?"

Immediately I became silent as tears filled my eyes and I hugged Piko tighter.

"Len, you can tell me what happened," he said calmly at first. Then when I was unable to suppress a loud sob he got serious. "Len, you _need_ to tell me what happened."

I cried even louder and buried my face in his shoulder. "I don't want to talk about it..."

"_Please_ tell me," Piko unattached me from him and stared into my eyes, "Please tell me what happened."

"K-Kiyoteru...he tried to..." I didn't even have to say anymore. Piko hugged me again.

"Len...I'm so sorry I wasn't there to help you. We should have never gone to that stupid party..."

Piko was a real friend. I was so happy to have him there for me. I never expected anyone to care about my problems but he really did...

Sometime later we had fallen asleep. When I awoke my head felt like it would explode. I groaned as I remembered the events of last night. What was I going to do at school tomorrow if I saw him? Would everything be okay since no one was high out of their mind anymore? I sighed and laid my head back down on the carpeted floor of Piko's living room. It was freezing cold... I was going to try to fall back asleep until Oliver woke up.

"Bloody hell!" He said loudly, "My head feels like a train wreck!"

"Shut up, Oliver!" Lui snapped, "You're not the only one!"

Oliver continued talking anyway, "What the hell happened last night?"

"Let's not even worry about that right now," Piko sat up. "Is anyone else starving? Let's get cleaned up then get something to eat."

Everyone nodded in agreement then we all took turns in the shower and borrowed some of Piko's clothes. Afterward we got fast food from down the street since we didn't feel like walking farther. When we got back to Piko's house we sat around in the living room watching random movies and eating like we had been starving for weeks. Piko asked if we wanted to smoke some more and we accepted.

We spent the whole day doing this until around 8 or 9 pm.

"Will you guys stop avoiding my question?" Oliver was getting irritated, "What happened last night?"

Nobody wanted to answer him.

"Something...bad happened, didn't it?" He looked from Piko, to Lui, to Me.

Nobody had to answer him to know it was true.

School the next day was the most terrible thing...

I smoked so much weed beforehand I was starting to see colors. Not only was I terrified of running into Kiyoteru, I was also paranoid one of the teachers would notice I was high. During lunch _Kaito_ came to talk to me.

"Hey, Len," he smiled but I just looked down at the ground. "About the party-"

"I _don't _ want to talk about it," I said quickly, "I don't even want to _think_ about it."

"Um...okay. I just wanted to know if you were alright," he gently set his hand on my shoulder.

My eyes widened. Was he...being nice to me?

"I-I'm fine," I turned away from him, "Thank you." Then I walked away.

Amazingly, I made it through through the day constantly looking over my shoulder trying to make sure Kiyoteru wasn't there and dodging teachers everywhere I went.

Just when I thought it was over. Just when I thought I was going to be okay I was suddenly roughly grabbed by the arm and dragged all the way to the school parking lot. If I hadn't been as high as I was I would've screamed but I didn't have time to. By the time I fully realized that I was actually being pulled somewhere it was way to late. My brain couldn't process things quick enough and the world was moving to fast for me.

Kiyoteru threw me in the back seat of his car and got in, slamming the door shut behind him.

"Pl-please don't do this..." I cried as he began pulling my shirt off.

He looked at me and smirked pulling down my pants, "You know I have been thinking about this ever since my party." He unbuckled his own pants. "I've been wondering how you taste and how soft your skin is." Once he got his pants off he lifted me up and pulled me close. "I'm finally about to find out."

He positioned himself at my entrance and immediately thrust in.

I yelled in pain. Without any preparation whatsoever, it hurt like hell. Like I was being torn in half. Not that I'd fin any pleasure in this anyway. I couldn't nor did I want to wrap my brain around the fact that I was being raped. I've heard when people are being raped they try to imagine themselves somewhere else.

I could only think of Kaito.

I was thinking about how if he didn't find me repulsive before, he was definitely going to now. How could someone not? A person who has full control of where there life is going like I do. And yet I still hang out with these kinds of people. I know I let myself end up in this disgusting situation. I know it's my fault this is happening. It's always my fault.

Kiyoteru began going faster and faster, holding my hips in place. "You may as well enjoy yourself. We're going to be doing this a lot from now on," he kissed me roughly.

The thought of this happening again made me sick. But then all my thoughts were interrupted when he grabbed my partially erect penis and began stroking it quickly.

I grit my teeth to suppress the moan that wanted to come out. I didn't want to show any signs that this sick bastard was actually giving me pleasure. After a while we both came and he pulled out, collapsing on top of me.

We laid there for a while. In Kiyoteru's car in the middle of the school parking lot. It's good thing the windows were tinted so dark, no one could see in. I didn't know if I should move. It was probably going to be so painful...

Finally, he sat up and began redressing himself. "I'll take you home." He said as he climbed into the drivers seat. Then he did exactly as he said and I began to dress myself as well. He dropped me off in front of my house and drove away like nothing happened.

I stumbled into the house, ignoring my father as he yelled at me for shit I didn't care about. When I got to my room I fell on my bed and just laid there wide awake for hours. For once in my life my mind was completely blank as I fully tried to process everything that happened. When I fully did realize it a sob escaped from my lips. I frantically hugged myself as if I were being attacked and holding myself was my only form of defense.

_After_ hours of endless crying I dragged myself to the bathroom to take a shower.

When I got out of the shower Rin was waiting in my room.

"What the hell do you want?" I snapped at her.

"The only reason I told is because I was worried about you, Len. But I wanted to tell you I'm sorry," her eyes looked red, like she'd been crying.

"Sorry? Your _sorry_? Why are you telling me like I fucking care? Like it's going to change anything I've been through in the past week," I began yelling. "Now take your _sorry_ ass back to your fucking room because your 'sorry' doesn't mean a damned thing to me!" I don't even know how I spoke those words. How they fell from my mouth so easily.

Rin just stared at me for a moment in pure shock. This was the very first time I hadn't forgiven her. She looked down as her eyes filled with tears and left without a word.

I slammed the door and locked it.

I didn't go to school for days. And when I did Kiyoteru was always there to drag me to his car and drop me off after he was finished with me. I didn't bother struggling, or screaming, or begging him to stop. I had gotten to the point where I felt like I deserved what he was doing to me. I was starting to become distant from my friends. Talking to them less and less everyday.

Sometimes Kiyoteru didn't have time to drop me off at home and I was stuck taking the bus home after we were done. On my way to the bus stop Rin caught up with me.

"Len are you alright?" She asked. I tried to ignore her, "I saw you get into Kiyoteru's car and..."

"And _what_?" I glared at her. "What the fuck do you want Rin?"

"I...I wanted to know if the rumors are true," she looked serious.

My heart dropped. "Rumors? What rumors?"

"How have you not heard?" She looked shocked, "Kiyoteru's going around telling everyone he can make you do _anything_."

I immediately stopped walking and looked he straight in the eyes, "He's saying that?"

She stopped walking as well and nodded.

"That fucking bastard," I began mumbling and started walking again. "He knows damn well I've never done anything with him _willingly_."

Rin gasped, "_What_? Len what are you saying?" She stepped in front of me, "Are you saying... _Are you saying he raped you_?"

I just glared at her for a moment. "Rin, just go away."

"No!" She said stubbornly, "Len you don't seem to understand! Your my brother and I really care about you! I don't care if you hate me. I-I love you Len!" She seemed to be on the brink of tears.

For some reason I will never understand, her saying this made me angry beyond belief. "I'm not going to tell you again!" I yelled at her, "_I don't fucking care_. I _hate_ you. I will _always hate you_. In fact, I wouldn't care if you_ died_. So stop trying to talk to me. Just go away! Leave me alone!" Those words are probably the biggest mistake in my life.

Her expression indescribably sad. Tears streamed down her face as she turned and ran away.

When I got on the bus, for some reason Kaito was there. Sitting alone.

He motioned for me to sit next to him so I did.

"Len..." He began speaking, "I know what's been going on with your and Kiyoteru."

I was so nervous I was shaking now.

"If he makes you happy, I guess it's not my place to say anything, huh?" He gave me a sad smile.

"What?" I did my best to keep my voice down, "I fucking hate him. He's been forcing me to do all those things." Even just saying it was making me sick, "Truthfully..." I forced myself to say it, "Truthfully, you're the one I like."

Kaito just stared at me shocked. Within a second he had me in his arms, "I'll make sure he'll never touch you again."

This was unreal. This couldn't be happening. I couldn't be experiencing this kind of happiness. It wasn't possible. Suddenly my phone went off.

Rin had texted me: _I know you don't care. I know it doesn't mean anything to you. I know I don't mean anything to you but I am still so sorry Len. I'm sorry because I love you so much, more that a sister should love her brother. I'm sorry I'm so disgusting. I'm just another problem aren't I? At least allow me show you one last poem. It goes like this:_

_The lonely child wanders this empty world_

_The weight of being hated, the child carries it on her shoulders_

_Speaking out her useless words that no one can hear_

_She cries in her corner waiting for someone to turn around_

_She wants someone to save her and thinks to herself,_

_"I know no one will come for me, and I'm alone again today, just like I'll be tomorrow and forever."_

_And she is right_

_Because at the end of the day this is nothing but the laments of a dead child._

_Goodbye Len, I love you_

__I stared at the screen of my phone, shocked. But I could not do anything. I was frozen as the bus took me home. And when I got there I calmly said goodbye to Kaito and got off. I entered my house slowly to find it completely quiet. There had been no car in the driveway which meant my parents were not home. Calmly, I walked up the stairs and stopped in front of Rin's door. I put my hand on the doorknob and froze. What lies behind the door to my sisters room? Do I even want to know? Slowly, I turned the doorknob and opened it.

There on the floor, lay my sisters still body. Her eyes were closed and I could see that she was not breathing. Still so slowly, I sat down next to her and pulled her onto my lap, rocking her back and forth.

"How could I have been so selfish?" I whispered, "I-I'm sorry, Rin."

All this time I had been paying more attention to everyone else besides my own sister. It had been her stuffing those notes in my locker all this time. I thought my world was sad and lonely because I was living with my un-returned feelings for Kaito, when Rin had been feeling the same about me for so much longer. And all I had to do...was turn around and notice her...

But I didn't.

"I know it's not worth shit now," I held her close as I began crying, "But I'm sorry I couldn't save you, Rin."


End file.
